My Gift to You

    As a way of introducing myself to anyone who reads this (anyone?) I am going to give you the best gift I have to offer; how to make the absolute finest Italian tomato sauce known to man.  After years of experimenting I now make the greatest sauce (gravy to some) in the world.  You can too if you do what I tell you.
    Put a good size pot on the stove and add about a 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil.  Get a small to medium size onion and dice it up as small as you can without cutting any fingers off.  Take that diced onion and put it in the oil, stirring a little so it is evenly distributed.  Next dice up 3 or 4 decent sized cloves of garlic, again as small as you can to expose as much surface area of garlic as possible.  Turn on the burner now to medium-high  and saute the onion, stirring a few times to keep it evenly cooking till it gets pretty soft, about 4 minutes.  The onion smells really good but don't cook it too long.  It is here, as the onion is cooking, that I add my secret ingredient which I won't tell you about at this time but your sauce will still be the best you have ever made.
    While the onion cooks open a 28 oz. can of whole peeled tomatoes (Hunts, Redpack, Pine Cone) and have it at the ready.  When the onion is good throw in your garlic.  VERY IMPORTANT!  DO NOT BURN THE GARLIC!  If it turns brown it is burned and will have a strong bitter taste ruining the sauce.  Stir it with the onions for 30 seconds then shut off the burner and take the pot off the heat.  Strain the oil into a small bowl, removing the garlic and onions from the oil.  Press what's in the strainer with your spoon (wooden) to squeeze every bit of flavor into the oil.  Return the oil to the pot, put the pot back on the burner and put the burner back to medium-high.  Depending how long the oil has been off the heat let it get back up to saute temperature, you should hear it sizzle a little.
    When the oil is right dump in the can of tomatoes and fill the can about 3/4 full of water.  Dump it in the pot.  Add about a tablespoon of salt, grind a good amount of black pepper in, add a few shakes of garlic powder, throw in oregano and basil  (maybe four shakes oregano and six shakes basil for my taste, you may adjust the next time you cook it), two good shakes of hot red pepper and your ready to go.  Bring the pot to a boil then turn it down to a simmer.
  Fill another good sized pot about 3/4 full of water adding a serious amount of salt to it.  Using a spoon skim some oil off the sauce and add it to the water.  Put the water on medium letting it heat up while the sauce simmers.  Figure on simmering the sauce about an hour but if you need to cook it faster let it boil for five minutes before reducing the heat to simmer or it can simmer for a few hours if you desire.  After the sauce has been simmering a while take your potato masher and mash up the whole tomatoes two or three times while it is cooking, also stir the sauce every few minutes.
    When the sauce is just about ready  turn the water up to high and get it to a screaming boil.  Dump in one pound of your favorite pasta, stirring the water so the pasta doesn't stick to the bottom of the pot.  Depending on your choice of pasta it usually takes 8-10 minutes to be al dente but try a piece first to make sure.  When the pasta is just about done turn the saucepan burner up to medium and take about 3/4 cup of the pasta water and dump it in the sauce, stir it good.  Strain the pasta in a colander, shake it but do not rinse it and dump it in a big bowl.  Pour the entire batch of sauce over the pasta and mix it good.  Serve right away with some nice grated Parmesan.  I told you it would be good!
    If you follow these instructions faithfully you can't miss.  After you have cooked this once, message me for the secret ingredient that takes things to another level.

Letter to the Editor (Secret Ingredient Revealed)

Dear Creepyolderguy,
    I don't think it's fair for you to tease us with this so called awesome pasta sauce recipe and then withhold the "secret ingredient" from us.  What kind of person does that?  You're just like every other man.
Signed,
Pissed in Peoria

Dear Pissed,
Yikes!  I did not mean to aggravate you by holding back my secret ingredient so without further delay I'll give it to you now.  You must be careful about telling loved ones what it is, as it is my experience that most people turn up their nose at the idea of ingesting this stuff.  It will give your sauce a depth you never could of imagined.  The envelope please... it is ANCHOVY PASTE.  Yes that's right squeeze one inch of anchovy paste into the onions as they are sauteing, stir it good and it will dissolve in the oil with no one the wiser.  Anchovy paste comes in a tube and can be found at grocers everywhere in the canned fish section.  Mangia!!
PS:  I'd be pissed in Peoria too.  The recipe is here.

Wisdom

"Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires."
  Francois de La Rochefoucauld 

"When you are through changing, you are through."

 Bruce Barton


"All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent."- Thomas Jefferson


"By a lie a man throws away and, as it were, annihilates his dignity as a man." - Immanuel Kant




"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)


"Be fearless. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no." 
 Graham Hill

I love quotations.

Patriots to Win Super Bowl XLV

    You heard it here first kids, the New England Patriots will win  Super Bowl XLV.  In what will be his most heroic season yet Tom Brady will lead the Pats to another Super Bowl win.  Overcoming the handicap of a young, unproven defense and the loss of uberlineman Logan Mankins the Pats will score at will against their baffled opponents.  Who cares if the HBO Jets march downfield for seven minutes to score, for when the ball gets back to Tom it'll be bing, bang, boom touchdown Pats in a 1:25 minute, seventy five yard drive totally demoralizing the overmatched defense. I can't wait to hear the doomsayers and haters in the national media start kissing Tom's ass around week 5 of the season when the truth finally becomes apparent to those frauds.  I'm backing up my opinion with a $500 bet on the Super Bowl XLV future line at 12-1.  I'll be laughing all the way to the bank!  Jump on the bandwagon now.
   One prediction I made eight years ago that I hope I live to see:  Tom Brady will one day be President of the United States.